i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
