The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
