you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
