Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
