dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
