Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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