He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
