is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
