he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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