I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
