Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
