would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my being single is dangerous.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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