Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
