at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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