'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
