Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
