she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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