YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
