Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
