Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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