I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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