My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
