he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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