sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
