grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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