You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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