I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
