Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
