I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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