We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
