so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
