I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
