i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
