thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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