My room smells like vodka and shame
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
