My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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