I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
