Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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