we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
