the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
