i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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