How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
