I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
