I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
