Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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