remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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