While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
