I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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