me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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