Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
