Screwed.edu
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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