Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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