Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
