so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
