nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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